Ugh...implants

I miss my old boobies...old and saggy though they were, they were a part of me. This foreign body, piece of silicone shit is not and right at this moment I detest it as well as my non-boob side. Where I lost the implant is soft, yucky, puckered up skin that sags to the side and I can feel it agaimst my arm when I stand. I guess at least when I have my bloody prosthesis bra on, it kind of holds it in place. Take the damn thing off and its like a piece of melting jelly and just flops - ugh...wish I could get a pair of scissors and cut it off (gag)

The implant side has this roll of fat from the 'boob' and going around under my arm towards my back.  (Why women get these damn things cosmetically baffles me). It hurts on the scar line underneath, the implant is hard, soft and weird all at the same time. I really wish I had opted to stay flat. But vanity prevailed and now it is coming back to haunt me. I hate this...I bloody hate breast cancer...I bloody wish this hadn't happened...I bloody wish I had checked that damn lump out when I first felt it...

I'm tempted to take a photo to put up but I don't really want to be responsible for making you throw up your breakfast, lunch or dinner.

I hate that it is hard for me to lift my arms up in the air...I hate that my feet throb constantly (went around barefoot at work this morning cos so bloody sore)...I hate that my body aches and that I am like an old lady when I get up out of my chair...I hate that the joints in my hands get sore and sometimes I have to modify how I lift or hold things...

Most of all I hate that I have turned into this whinging old bitch who feels sorry for herself. Where has the sunny, happy Tania gone...bring her back! There are so many people out there going through so much worse and I am worried about having a silicone boob and sore feet. What a sook...kind of puts things into priority - until next time when I forget again.

Tuesday 27th September, 2016 - 9.16pm