Why do I continue to grieve for lost friendships? Why can I not put them behind me and get on with it? Thats not quite true, of course I have got on with 'it' but every so often, I stop and wonder what happened, but most of all, I wonder why haven't they contacted me to say they are sorry to hear about what has happened. And then there are those that you thought you were close to, but they don't even bother making contact to simply ask 'how you doing'. And as much as I try to forget it and wipe it out of my mind, it keeps creeping back in. My girls often say to me 'you don't need them mum, you have other friends' and I know they are right. But I can't help but feel hurt. I want to shout out to the world, 'if you can't be bothered with me when I'm alive, don't bother coming to my funeral - I won't need you when I'm dead...' Is that awful? Am I being self centred? God, I go on so much about how people nowadays are self centred and are so wrapped up in their own world, they can't spare a thought for anyone else. Maybe I am turning into one myself...oh cripes please, if that is how you see me, let me know, give me a shake up. I am counting on you.
Okay, okay, bitchy moment over - hopefully this will get it out of my system. Gotta stop feeling sorry for myself.
Its after midnight, actually its almost 1.00am and I still have to get up in the morning for Sweet Louise meeting before going to work for the rest of the day. Better get some sleep...
Monday 26th Sept 2016 - 12.59am
Hey Tania! It's Anna, I was just reading your blog and I thought I would comment on why I think people stay away. The same thing happened to Josh, so many of his friends stayed away including some of my family, anyway one day I was at my sister's place and my nephew was there, he was a good friend of Josh's and he actually lived with us for well over a year and used to always come over to watch all of the All Black Tests when they were on TV, But as soon as Josh was diagnosed we never saw him again! So I asked him why he hadn't been to see him, I told him Josh was missing alot of his friends as hardly any of them had been around to see him. He just replied I can't and when I asked him why he couldn't he simply said I don't know what to say to him, so I left it at that and he never did come to visit but I can understand why he didn't want to come. It's difficult for people that have never had to deal with a loved one that may be dying...what do I say to them?....what if I say the wrong thing?.....what if I start to cry and upset him?.....Not long after Josh passed a friend of ours was diagnosed with terminal throat cancer, now this man was one of the funniest story tellers I ever knew, so I decided I would go and visit him at Auckland Hosp....well I must have mucked around at the main entrance for a couple of hours! I went for a coffee and looked around the gift/book shop and finally got the courage up to go up to his ward! I was so glad that his partner Chrissie was there as he didn't remember me at all even though Josh and I had gone around to their place once a week for about 2 years as they used to run a darts night and Josh loved going there. I was devastated and to make it worse this very funny man that had the gift of the gab could no longer talk! They had removed his voicebox to try and keep the Cancer at bay, I didn't stay long but was so glad that I went and seen him as a couple of days later he moved to the same Hospice that Josh was in and there was no way I could face going back there and I later found out that he was in the same room that Josh had so I'm sort of glad I never went. Well I am now starting to ramble!! but I just wanted to say that your friends probably do want to come visit you but are like my nephew and me - afraid of what to say but never doubt that they love you - how could they not my friend? You helped me so much while I was trying to deal with everything, your friendship, advice and support really helped me when I needed it the most so please please do not hesitate to let me know if you need anything, I will be there for you xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Anna, I appreciate everything you have said. A few others have said the same thing, that people do not know what to say and I always find that quite strange. I don't know that I ever say the right thing either but it is just in my nature to approach people and express my concern, empathy, whatever it may be but I really need to learn that everyone is different.
DeleteI do have to say though, it is not in my nature to ask for help and that may need to change as time gets on and this damn cancer makes itself more known. For now, I am still myself with a few sad moments and know that you are always welcome to pop up for a cuppa...thats what you can do for me, come visit for a cuppa - I would absolutely love that!!!! Thanks again Anna, big hugs xx