When we got home we all crashed out for afternoon naps and when I woke up I felt sick as a dog. The nausea appears to have changed tact now, no longer rearing its ugly head solely in the mornings. It strikes at any time of the day and can last for quite a long time. The other evening I had to take a double dose of nausea tablets, almost ready to take a third one but didn’t feel too comfortable doing that. It eventually dissapated - thank goodness!
And so today has been another productive day. My big girl and I popped out to buy some bits and pieces for nanas room at the rest home. It looks so clinical and am trying to make it look a bit more homely. I’ve already brought a couple of things but they look lost so obviously some more stuff is needed. I’m quite excited about taking them along tomorrow and showing mum what I’ve brought. I might take some pics and post them next time.
Then I went and got my hair cut and coloured this afternoon - its a completely different colour, have kept the pixie cut but my stylist has kept my hair curly this time. When I cut it short the last time I went, I saw someone different and she encouraged me to straighten it, so I even went out and brought a straightener. I’ve loved it! And I love what my hair stylist has done this time. Funny how they all have different takes on things eh. They took before and after photos today and will use on their instagram account and tag one of my girls. I’ve asked them to send me the pics, so I can see the comparison. Can’t wait to see them!
So yep its been a very busy weekend for me and it feels good to be out and about doing things. I even went out for dinner with friends on Wednesday night. Its seems so long since I’ve done any of that. At one stage I felt like I was never at home. But this is what I need to be doing, and it feels great especially knowing I am doing things for myself, such as the yoga and hopefully continuation of water walking. No reason for it other than to get out and to do something for myself, to make me feel better. Amazing how much we are influenced by our minds. We have to keep our minds happy and healthy and if we have to help it along the way by taking medication, there is absolutely no shame in that. I’ve already admitted I am on antidepressants. I don’t think I’ll ever wean myself off them. The knowledge and reality of having cancer is too real and your mood can be up and down like a yo-yo. I don’t mind admitting I need help to keep me feeling balanced. If you feel you need help, don’t be embarrassed or don’t feel ashamed. There is so much we have to contend with in life now. Things aren’t simple anymore, its almost like the more knowledge man has, and uses it to build and construct new things, it causes a whole lot more complications. The internet and social media are two exceptionally prime examples. They have their uses without a doubt but with them comes a world of problems.
My mood has lifted considerably since my last post. Pain hasn’t been as bad, or is it simply a case of me being more onto it about taking my meds on time? I don’t really know...but I know this happens from time to time. The imbalance of pain but lets take the good days and grab onto,them with both hands and hold on as long as we can.
My last post was very real and very raw for me and obviously for those reading it. My very good friend who lives in Australia made contact with me immediately to give me encouragement. She often does this and I always appreciate it. Another friend acknowledged it with a hug, no words, but a beautiful big hug and I appreciated it. I know it was a hard post for you to read, but imagine how hard it was for me feeling that way, and to open up and share it with you. I must admit I am surprised I didn’t receive any comments or had more contact from people making sure I was ok or to,simply say “good for you Tan” I know I asked people not to be scared by what I wrote but the word ‘suicide’, its a big scary ol’ word and I really just thought more people may have reached out. I shouldn’t have expectations, this is my choice to tell my story but sometimes I wonder if anyone is even still reading this. I guess I wouldn’t be surprised if people didn’t because I know it can be very depressing at times, but I do try to post the good stuff too. But this is my journey...my breast cancer journey. Wish it was as easy as switching off from posts for me as well to take a break from the daily grind of bloody terminal breast cancer But I don’t get to. I get to live this each and every day. Its all about taking the good with the bad. But please remember, just because someone looks like they are coping well, doesn’t necessarily mean they are, or remember there is more happening beneath the exterior than you realise.
I saw this on one of my breast cancer face book pages - have a read of it. It applies to all of us...
Saturday 23rd March 2019 - 9.38pm
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