I can hear the girls talking and laughing amongst themselves. One of our nieces is here, chilling out with my girls. I love it when she comes up, whether it is by herself or with her older sister. Their dad passed away five years after David, he was the baby of the family. He also was very young when he died. It has always been very important to me that his girls spend time with us and know that they are such a big part of our lives and are welcome any time. I have said it before, when David died, it was like we no longer existed except for a couple of people or the very occasional visit and so having experienced that, it was important that these girls and their mum never felt that way. They have certainly faced more than their fair share of adversity and have come out the other side. If there is one family who deserves something good to happen to them, it is this family...
Its been a fairly busy week...full on at work, my infusion on Wednesday - nothing out of the ordinary. Same issue with not being able to find a vein easily. I happen to mention they had used the knuckle of my first finger before and so they were able to find a vein there again. Its a little uncomfortable especially when they are putting the lure in but its not so bad where its unbearable. If thats what has to happen, then thats what has to happen. For the sake of having to do something which is going to help strengthen your bones which will hopefully prevent the cancer from sneaking in there, then I say a bit of discomfort is more than worth it. When I hear people complaining about the silliest things, I think how pathetic their life must be. I was one of those people a while ago, and in all honesty, I probably still am at times. We all have our moments where we feel the need to grumble about something.
I had my CT scan yesterday, to rule out anything sinister which is affecting my tummy. The pains are still ongoing but because I have decided to continue with the higher dose of pain meds, it masks the tummy pain...until the meds wear off or usually when I wake up in the morning - it can be quite painful. Same issue as always, not able to find a vein. The nurse had my hand in a bucket of hot water, trying to bring out my meager offerings. And man, were the offerings extremely meager and so she kept topping the bucket up with more and more hot water. It must have been in there for almost 20 minutes. Another nurse came along to see how she was going and so nurse 1 just handed me over (excuse the pun!) to nurse 2 without even trying to put a needle in. It amazes me how they can feel
the veins, when your not able to see them especially when they have those plastic gloves on. Both nurses asked why I don't have a portacath in. I told them I had already asked the oncologist if this was a viable option for me, but he had said at this stage 'no', it wasn't needed'. Eventually a vein was found and the lure inserted with no problems. I will get the results when I go to my next oncologist appointment on Monday 10th July. On one hand, you want them to find a reason why these tummy pains continue without it being a sinister reason and on the other hand, you hope like hell they don't find anything. But if they don't, what the hell is it? Why is it continuing for so long? Will I ever get an answer? And I mean 'come on' - what the fuck...haven't I had enough to contend with already for goodness sake! I mean I know I'm good humoured and most of the time go around with a smile but that does not mean all the shit needs to be dealt out to me! C'mon mate, spread it around. Actually, lets re-phrase that, how about no shit to anyone, or maybe heap it on those pieces of scum who deserve it!
I have caught up with a couple of mates during the week, as it hasn't happened for the last month or so at weekends. I have decided I will not go to dialysis tomorrow night with my mother-in-law and will instead enjoy a quiet weekend at home. Last Saturday night we had a lot of waiting around for the taxi to pick us up from the hospital (she has a taxi provided for to get there and home again, and so I jump in as well) and by the time I got home that night, it was 11.00pm and I was shattered. Its not a hard thing to do and in all honesty I don't go anywhere on a Saturday night, but I feel the urge to stay home and rest. I often ignore my intuition only to find out later I shouldn't have but also with working a 40 hour week, I have to remind myself to be kind to myself and ensure I rest up, so I am
able to get through the next lot of 40 hours of work.
I'm surprised my eyes are still open...its coming up for 10.00pm and I seem to have a second wind or maybe a 'wee puff' of wind, nothing to get excited about. Its probably because the girls had come up to the bedroom for a chat and a cuddle with the cat and have now buggered off to K'Mart to do a spot of retail therapy. I envy their enthusiasm and energy. Sometimes I have to psyche myself up to do the simplest of things and other times, I find I can just get up and go. Those times are great - I think they might be increasing. It must be when I am tired or when my body needs some downtime, that I argue with myself about whether to do something or not.
Friday 30th June 2017 - 10.07pm
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