It is so hard to believe he has been gone this amount of time. I see how much he has missed out on his girls and how much they have missed out on not having their daddy here with them. He was such an incredible person, a larger than life personality. Anyone who met him fell in love with him, not in a sexual way (although probably that too!) but he had a friendliness that exuded so much warmth and he had this ridiculous laugh that you couldn't help but laugh along with. Trying to explain that to the girls is impossible. I remember buying a journal soon after David died and I wanted to write stories for the girls about their dad. But I soon realised I would never be able to capture his personality with pen and paper.
I look at the girls and I am filled with pride at how beautiful they are, both inside and outside and know David would be so proud of them. I am grateful for the relationship I have with them and often wonder if it would be the same if David was still alive. I know when he died, I immediately became so protective of them. Our first Christmas I told everyone they were not allowed to cry in front of the girls. That they had had enough sadness and Christmas Day was to be a fun filled day, it was so important to me that my babies had this fun day after having been surrounded by so much sadness and a mother who was so grief stricken or angry. We all had to have our cry in private and we did. We had a wonderful day...
I see their father in them...my big girl has his relaxed attitude and way with children, my baby girl looks like him and has his 'grumbly' side. I so wish they had a chance to know their dad and to not just be a picture in a frame.
David - how I wish you were here to be a presence in our lives, to be a presence in the lives of your family, amd not just the girls, as you are missed desperately by so many - your mum, your brothers, cousins, my family, so many...how can I ever thank you for giving me the two most precious gifts - our girls. I hope I have done them and you justice in how they have been brought up. I know you didn't really want to leave us but I also know the beliefs you had and believe you would have been happy going to your maker, knowing full well that your girls and your mum would be well looked after. We weren't perfect by any means and many a time in the old days where you could be an absolute shit, but often when someone dies, we are inclined to put them on a pedastal and forget the bad times and many of those we had until we finally got our crap together and had our babies...but by that time, your time with us was almost over but we were unaware of it.
So my beautiful David, one day you and I will have a date where we will meet again and be able to watch our precious girls together and be in a place where there is no such things as strokes or cancer - where we will be free of anything negative. And so until that time my love, you continue to be in my heart and continue to be so much a part of our lives - your name is mentioned often with many. You should be proud of your older brother who has stepped in to our family and has looked after us especially during this trying time. He is a wonderful emotional support and seems to know what to say when I am feeling at my most vulnerable.
Forever in our hearts xx
Friday 16th June 2017 - 8.05pm
So beautifully said of such a beautiful person. Isnt it funny how everyone always mention his unique and infectious laughter!! I too can still hear it !! You have done him proud a hundred times over !!
ReplyDeleteThank you Pauline. There doesn't ever seem to be enough words to describe him and I often wonder why I was the chosen one xx
DeleteThat laugh was just magic. How we all loved him he was the best uncle my boy could have wanted (your a pretty special auntie too).xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you Sue - Dan will always have a special place in my heart. He is so much a part of my memories with David xx
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