What have I done

What have I done? I have only gone and broken two toes on my left foot...I had brought some christmas lights and wanted to have them put up out the back by the time my baby got home from work as a surprise. She got a surprise alright but not the one I was hoping to give her. She got a surprise to hear that mum was in the ED department at the local hospital! I had been standing on wooden chairs to put these damn lights up when one just completely broke beneath me and I went down with a crash and fell backwards onto my tailbone and very luckily not hitting my head. I kind of figured straight away I had broken one toe due to the angle it was sitting at. After hours of sitting up in ED, my foot blew up like a balloon and two of my toes turned black and purple. I am now in a moon boot for the next six weeks with crutches. God what an idiot! What was one of the things I was told by the oncologist at our first appointment? "Don't put yourself in a position where you could break any bones" dum, dum, dum - I am so pissed off at myself.

Two days later, I am struggling to use these stupid crutches. It is very slow moving, I find I can get round quicker without them but then I got told off today that I am not allowing the fractures to knit together while I am putting my weight on my foot.

I had an appointment today with the breast surgeon, or one of her team I should say. It was really a waste of time. She just checked my implant and the other side where the saggy bit of skin is left from loss of implant. I told her I hate both the implant and the boobless side. She said they will do whatever they can to make me feel better about myself, whether that be to take out my existing implant or put in a new implant to replace the one I lost. I need to make a decision on what I would like. I told her even though I hate the implant, it is vanity that makes me feel I would not be able to go 'flat'. She was lovely actually and said it's not vanity at all. Breasts are like limbs, we have grown up with them and miss them when we no longer have them. There is no hurry to make this decision. The thought of going back on the table again for more surgery makes me quite nervous. Funnily enough, I don't really have a fear of getting another infection - completely different circumstances it would be this time.

Tomorrow I was supposd to have my next Zometa imfusion. I rang the oncology imfusion ward yesterday to advise them of what had happened and would it have any effect on having my infusion. For some reason, it just didn't really sit well with me that I would have this stuff coursing through my body while I had a couple of breaks in my bones. The nurse checked it out with the oncologist and luckily I rang because they decided to put it off until January. I am quite happy to not have to go. I am back at work tomorrow and after having two days off work, don't really want to have to leave the office. Auckland Hospital is also surrounded by hills so I was a bit worried about parking the car and then having to walk to the acute oncology unit.

I am bloody tired and have been since the fall. I am taking paracetamol, codeine and ibuprofin. I think it might be the codeine tiring me. The good thing about taking these drugs is that I have not been experiencing my usual aching. I was just going to start taking the paracetomol/ codeine the GP had given me in the mornings with my daily meds to see what kind of difference it would make when
this happened.

Hard to believe Christmas is less than two weeks away. I don't have a festive bone in my body at this stage. I definitely will not be going Christmas shopping with a moon boot and a pair of crutches! My two big kids went up the road last night to buy some new decorations for our tree. Both the tree and our decorations were looking a bit aad, but looks lovely with a bit of a facelift. The kids have given it a black and gold theme and I think it looks beautiful

Tuesday 13th December 2016 - 6.20pm