I love Christmas! Over the years I have enjoyed the big family Christmasses, and enjoyed the quiet ones with just us. Last year in all honesty felt like a non-event. The boys put a small umu down at their mums place and then proceeded to get plastered. I played board games with the kids (big kids) and it didn’t feel in the least bit like Christmas Day but think it had more to do with my state of mind. It probably didn’t help that I had one foot in a moonboot after falling through a chair and breaking two toes and suffering from horrendous pain in my tailbone, and worrying about the possible implications this could have with the cancer being in my bones. Especially already being in my lower back extremities.
This year I would like a chilled out day, preferrably at fhe beach but the weather is always so unpredictable. I don’t want lots of food with all the trimmings - I would like a no fuss day that is enjoyable. If we go to the beach, we can swim, lie in the sun, play board games and hubby and kids can have a few drinks. I am more than happy to be the driver. For years I have wanted to do this but worried about the trimmings. How would we keep the pavlova fresh? How will we keep the ice cream frozen? This year I have a little more clarity. Its more about having an enjoyable day with my wee family. The food is simply fuel to keep you going. What it is, is not important. Hubby has never liked this idea but I think I’ll push for it...it can be on my bucket list. Its probably the one thing I can truly think of that I want to do.
My big girl and I went out Friday night. I’ve had a bit of a bee in my bonnet about doing some Christmas shopping, and had made a start a couple of weeks ago. The reality was that once we got to the mall and after looking in a couple of shops, the exhaustion of the week caught up with me very quickly and the enthusiasm waned comsiderably. But we decided we’d try again the next morning and go to St Lukes instead. Which we did and it was bloody awesome! I was so pleased, I got a lot out of the way and my big girl was very pleased with her purchases as well. It feels great, just wish our Christmas tree was up so we could wrap the pressies and pop them underneath!
This year I am being featured in a Christmas edition newsletter for BCFNZ. Its designed to raise donations for their continued support of women with breast cancer as well as to raise awareness and fund ongoing research. The newsletter will be distributed to approximately 75,000 people and will also be utilised through social media.
Hard to believe it’s only been a week since I was feeling so crap. I thought it was never going to end and it’s bloody wonderful to feel reasonably normal again. Still a few ongoing issues such as endless headaches, had a bout of tummy and bowel issues but think they are slowly resolving. Either way, I am feeling so much better - thank goodness! I had been worried about going back to work, thinking I had probably forgotten most of what I has learnt with the new systems which had recently come in and yes I had...but it was a matter of sitting with someone to refresh my brain or sitting down and nutting it out for myself. I think I can now say I’m feeling quite a bit more confident. Wish I didn’t doubt myself so much but I do it all the time. I want to know everything instantly and get pissed off with myself when I get confused. A huge part of it is my memory. I know my memory is shocking these days and it instantly worries me and puts me on high alert. And I am immediately in turmoil before I have even started! So I have pleasantly surprised myself...with a huge sigh of relief!
Five and a half hours before my alarm goes off and a new week of work begins. I had a 2.5 hour sleep this afternoon...I was bloody knackered and could hardly keep my eyes open...now I’m having trouble going to sleep but to be honest haven’t really given it a try. Tummy is starting to rumble naturally since the subject of going to sleep has arisen..what a bloody nuisance.
Wonder what this week is going to bring...normality is always good:)
Monday 6th November 2017 - 12.29am
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