Really???

Why does shit have to happen after hours??? Or right on the weekend, or in this case...both!

Here I was last night, enjoying having the house to myself - girls out, hubby gone to play darts and knowing I was on my own just for a few hours, settling down to revel in the stillness when suddenly I heard this 'BANG!' followed by a flash of light and as I very cautiously tippy toed out to the kitchen, could smell a bloody burning smell...my heart jumped into my mouth - I wasn't sure if the house was going to blow up or catch on fire, I was terrified and instantly wished I wasn't alone.

I figured out it was both the fridge and oven, and messaged my baby girl who was with her young man and his family. Don't really know what I was expecting her to do! But just needed to off load to someone. She came home and we both just sat around not quite knowing what to do!!!! Hubby in a slightly pissed state when he got home checked the fuses and proceeded to mumble in a drunken slur that the fridge and oven weren't working but everything else was!!!! I couldn't help but laugh cos I already knew that...but I felt better just knowing he was home.

Its is now Saturday morning and I have rung an after hours electrician and awaiting his arrival at fhe cost of a call out fee, travelling charge and so much per hour on the job! But hey, someone is on their way to fix it and with having a houseful of people next weekend, am grateful it was this weekend and not next!

So thats the beginning of my weekend...

I have been counting the days down to Friday, I have been so tired and am really struggling to get up in the mornings and just hanging out for that break so I can rejuvenate to continue to get through work.

Oops its Saturday afternoon now. After the sparky left, I was having issues with the internet and so while trying to fix that, completely forgot to post this...so continuing on...

I came home early on Thursday about 2.00pm-ish. I was exhausted and could hardly keep my eyes open and felt very tearful. When I got home, I crashed out for a few hours and felt much better when I woke up. Think perhaps all my socialising the previous week and with everything else that is going on and has been going on over the last month or so is just catching up on me. I really need to remember I have limitations now and have to manage myself so I can get through a day or a week without too much of an issue. I was sussing out WINZ recently online, and if you have a terminal illness, you can only get a benefit if you have been diagnosed with less than two years to live. God, how crap is that! You work all your life, pay your taxes, scrimp and save so you can not be reliant on anyone else to have to help you out, but when the chips are down, the government agencies are not willing ro help you out. And yet for years and years my taxes have gone to pay for those blood sucking fuckers on benefits who don't want to get off their arses and get a job. Those that feel it is their god given right to sit at home and be paid for it. I'm not talking about those with genuine cases - I was one of those genuine cases! When David died...I was on the widows benefit and I hated it! I appreciated the help, but as soon as my baby girl turned 5, I was looking for a job and got the first one I went for. I was earning less working than I was on the benefit but I felt vindicated because I was earning my own money. It was a wage packet, not a hand out.

So how long do I need to continue working so I can pay the bills? I don't have someone who has my back...who will support me financially when I am unable to continue on (not talking about my girls - they should not be expected to in a financial sense)...and if I am not going to make it to retirement age, I would like some down time where I can chill out and 'enjoy' some time out. Not that I am saying I am ready to do that just yet but it is something that is often sitting in the back of my mind. While my husband is wonderful and I love him dearly, I cannot rely on him to worry about working and supporting me financially and that is disappointing. I believe I have always been a strong person and have had more than my fair share of shit...it would be great having that worry off my mind and I feel it is deserved but in some things, we are on different pages. Still, lets worry about that when the time comes...and I know it will be me who does the worrying. Even in death I will still be supporting him... Some people just get the better end of the stick eh...not me unfortunately. Never mind, forget that - money isn't everything and be grateful for what you do have. I am rich in love, so much more than what a lot of others have.

Saturday 9th September 2017 - 4.41pm