Be kind to my body day today / oncology update

Last night hubby lit a fire out the back in the umu hole, to burn twigs, small branches and leaves from trees he had cut down earlier in the year. The 'kids' were all out, it felt a bit lonely so I sat outside with hubby watching the fire burn. Where once upon a time I would have plonked myself on the ground, I sat myself in the beach chair I had been given (since I can no longer lie on the ground at the beach either), cuppa in hand, mobile phones and ipad beside me and enjoyed some nice quier time watching the beauty of the flames. Unfortunately I also had a few small embers blow my way of which one landed on my leg without me realising until it grew extremely warm in the one spot, so,had to jump up and shake it off! Blow me down, then another landed right beside me on the plastic of the chair I was sitting on, so had to jump up quickly (no such thing for me anymore!) again and brush it off. Husband getting a good laugh out of it, actually so did I. Probably the fastest I have moved in a long time, or at least in the last 12 months.

The fire was letting off so much heat, and I was a bit worried that an ember might land on either my implant or my prosthesis so kind of kept my arm over my implant. A new prosthesis you can buy, not quite so easy with an implant eh...

Unfortunately this morning when I woke up, my body was completely aching all over...shoulders, back, feet and I had no oomph so decided to stay home from work or at the very least have a bit of a lie in and go in late. Me thinks it is from sitting outside for those 3 or so hours in a beach chair and with it chilling down as the evening wore on. Anyhow, I tossed and turned with the decision whether to stay, whether to go, all the while trying to remind myself that sometimes I need to take time out and be kind to my body and it really felt like this was one of those days. Unfortunately I have always felt guilty when I have stayed home, even when my girls were little and were sick. The other factor is always money - what don't we pay when I haven't had a full week of work? I mean we do ok but I hate dipping into our meagar savings to make up the shortfall. Crap isn't it, when you have an incurable cancer and you still have to worry about bloody money.

So now this stupid cancer has an effect on how I chill out at the beach ((I even have to re-think the beach chair idea) and when we are having a fire out in the backyard. This has always been a past time which we as a family have enjoyed, usually toasting marshmallows over it while getting smoked out and sore eyes - its fun..but smelly.

But on the up side, I have stayed home today and was blessed with a visit from an old work colleague whom I have not seen since he moved jobs. It was such a surprise, it completely blew me away and has just made my week.

Oncology update:

I had a phone call yesterday afternoon from the oncologist whom we saw the other week. In a previous post I had mentioned about telling the oncologist about how one of my neck glands feels a little sore from time to time but on a regular basis. She had examined it and could feel something but when I would turn my head from side to side, it would disappear. Originally she had said they would keep an eye on it but it has now been decided to send me for an ultrasound to see what they can find. If there is anything of concern, a biopsy will be done at the same time. So now, it is must a matter of waiting for an appointment.

For the rest of the afternoon and even as I think about it now and type this, I feel ill in the pit of my tummy with the fear of "could this be cancer growing in another spot of my body". What if it is in my gland, that means it is not just in my bones - it is in a soft tissue. I have been told if you have cancer in your bones, you can live for years. How does it change if it moves to soft tissue? And then when I went on fb not long ago, I read something about someone having BC in one of their neck glands. I had to close it down quickly, I couldn't face seeing it and couldn't believe the timing of it. The fear is always there. Nothing is predictable.

I am impatient to have this ultrasound done but I am terrified of what they will find. Its pointless getting in too much of a funk about it, its a waste of energy and will just drag me down, but believe me, its there (the worry), sitting in the back of my mind, churning my tummy over. Lets hope its all for nothing...

Friday 4th November, 2016 - 3.46pm