On Wednesday I left work early to attend a meeting at the NZ Breast Cancer Foundation which I had been invited along to. They are putting rogether a new initiative for those of us with mbc - I'm not really sure whether I should be talking about it just yet, so won't go into detail but it was really interesting. There were four other women with mbc and we were encouraged to talk about our fears, symptoms, what means a lot to us, what would be our ideal means of escape and so on.
I have decided to volunteer this year for Daffodil Day - Saturday 26th August - time and place to be comfirmed, and I have also registered for the Pink Ribbon Street Appeal which is in October. A couple of hours for each. I remember last year when they were looking for volunteers and while I wanted to do it, I just didn't have anything left in the tank after working all week. So that shows you how far I have come in the last 12 months. And this time last year, I hadn't long returned back to work after a five month recuperation period from the fiasco with my bilateral mastectomies, amd the dramas which followed. So its super pleasing to see that a year later I am feeling so well with more energy...hmmm not sure thats the right word! But it feels right to be signing up this year and it feels important to be giving back in some way. Breast cancer sufferers in NZ have an amazing support network or is it breast cancers worldwide? There is a lot of focus on it, and I know a lot of the other foundations don't get quite so much aimed at them. So I am grateful...
Still seems really surreal to hear myself say or see myself write about me having cancer - the big 'c'. It was always something in the back of my mind, worrying about what would eventually get me and worrying that it would be cancer. But funnily enough never for a moment thinking it would be breast cancer.
At the meeting the other day, there were five of us ladies mbc and a lot of the conversation was around the anxiety that everyone experiences. One of the ladies and myself both made the comment that we don't feel that we experience a lot of anxiety. The other ladies all said we were the first two they had ever heard say that. I mean, I know I worry at times but that is usually when I am due for results or an extra twinge makes itself known, but in normal day to day life, I don't feel 'cancer anxious'. I even forget sometimes (almost) that the dreaded stuff is even apart of my life - its great. But this may change much further down the line as things change. Thats why I enjoy being at work fulltime, it gives me something else to think about and my days are so full, I just forget. I recently had cause to wonder if I should go part time but then reality hits and I realise I can't really afford to at this stage, and I should really be making the most of feeling fine and being able to cope with the hours.
My eyes are tired - had a late night last night, went out for dinner and then was awake at 4.00am to go wee's and couldn't go back to sleep so checked facebook and played games on the ipad til I got up at 5.30am. I have felt tired all day, haven't been feeling too sociable at work lately and today being a particularly draining day. Glad of a bit of space for a few days.
God I love weekends...
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