I am just me

I have been away for the weekend with my close mate down to Hamilton. It was a chance for the both of us to just have some quiet time, for ourselves. I think we are both the glue who holds our families together and I was given this opportunity by her to 'unstick' myself for a while. It was lovely. It was away from Auckland but close enough that it didn't take the bulk of the day to get there. We had a wonderfully huge suite holding two queen sized beds along with a lounge suite and dining suite.

We were a hop, skip and a jump from the casino so were able to go and have a flutter both Friday night and again Saturday afternoon. I was crap at it, so have decided that will not be my new hobby - too damn expensive for a start off! But it was fun to give it a try. We had a pedicure, and if you know me, then you know how much I hate feet, regardless of whether they are mine or anyone else's. I refuse to touch anyone's feet and I don't like mine to be touched. So for me to have a pedicure / foot massage, then you know my feet must be bloody well aching something chronic...and you know what? I LOVED IT!!!! And I am going to have one on a reasonably regular basis. My feet throb terribly at times, from the meds so this can be a little treat for me. Never ever thought I would hear myself say that...so now back home again to reality. Back to work tomorrow for another week of work, but with a few appointments. Have to take hubby to the eye clinic tomorrow for a check up. Hope they stop soon. Its tough enough taking time off work for my appointments let alone his as well but the one appointment his brother took him to, I was wondering the whole time what was happening and it was driving me crazy not being there!!!

And then Wednesday is my next oncologist appointment and infusion. Not expecting too much as I haven't had any scans lately so it will be more a case of how am I doing etc. (I'll probably update after  it).

After talking at the breakfast last weekend, I had so much positive feedback. I have had people say to me that I am an inspiration and my sister calls me her hero. And with being away this weekend, my mate and I had a good chat and she was commenting on the grace and strength I have shown after being diagnosed. She says I don't see what they all see, and she's right - I don't. I always say "I am just me". I'm not a dramatic sort of person (I don't think), I take it all in my stride and what the hell is the point of panicking about shit, it doesn't change anything and that just sucks up all your energy and these days I need all the energy I can muster. Of course there are days when I feel really pissed at the world and feel sorry for myself but you've read it already, so you know - but I do feel a bit pathetic
and self pitying and I really dislike it when I feel like that. So many out there who are a lot worse off. "Reality check Tania" look at the positives - life is too short to dwell on the negative - remind me from time to time...

Sunday 16th October 2016 - 9.33pm