I have decided to drop down to working three days per week - Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Too many times, by Thursday I am exhausted and drag myself off to work and really struggle to stay all day, or I don’t make it there at all.Today is my first Thursday at home and I don’t mind saying it feels very strange. I have spent most of the morning feeling like I should be at work. But it was great at work yesterday, knowing that it was actually “my Friday” and I had the next day to rest. The double bonus is that there is a public holiday on Monday, Labour day. I did think for five minutes about going up north to my cousins place for the long weekend, but then reality hit me. Its one thing to drive an hour to Waiuku and quite another to drive 3.5 hours to Helena Bay. Plus its looking at being the usual Labour weekend weather. Its usually always crappy weather and this week has proved no different. The winds have been howling quite strongly this week, making me even quite nervous at the thought of having to drive to work one of the mornings this week.
So yep, I am now doing a new three day working week. It feels very strange to be at this stage of my working life. I have always worked, except when I had the girls although that was a completely different kind of work. To think I have gone from fulltime to part time due to health reasons is quite an unreal feeling. Our GM caught up with me on Monday, asking how I was. He was saying he had noticed that I am taking a lot more time off these days and that he see’s me limping around. We actually had a really good talk and I was quite grateful that he was concerned enough to say something to me. I was very frank with him. I told him that sometimes I wish he would simply lay me off from work, so that I had no choice but to deal with the dreaded Work & Income but he said no, he has no intention of doing that and that he has me covered. How bloody awesome is that! I guess my years of being a good employee and keeping my nose clean has paid off. I am so grateful although as usual, that dreaded guilt still kicks in, although I think it may be lessening ‘slightly’. I really hope with working just the three days, I’ll find it so much easier to deal with.
Life is plodding along as normal, nothing new, nothing bad. I’m waiting for a CT scan appointment. The oncologist wants one done before I go back to see them in December, so we can discuss the results. Hopefully there won’t be anything to discuss and my medication will continue to keep the cancer from spreading any further. I know one day will come the dreaded news that it has moved but hopefullythat won’t be for a while yet. But its always hanging over your head. On one hand, the longer I survive and without the cancer having spread any further, I don’t feel quite so paranoid. But on the other hand, the more that time goes by, I also feel my luck will end one day and the dreaded news will finally be exposed. My thoughts these days are more about how much having cancer has changed me. How it affects me on a daily basis. Not so much how much time I have, although with my fourth anniversary approaching in January, I do wonder how many more I could have left. But most of the time as I am dragging myself around, I can’t believe the difference between who I was even two years ago, to who I am nowadays. Still, I am alive and still have my silly sense of humour and keep making those terrible ‘mum jokes’.
Thursday 24th October 2019 - 3.34pm
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