I went for my latest CT scan the other week and am happy to say it has come out all clear. The cancer continues to stay put (yippee) and Reuben (oncologist) said I have a rather healthy looking brain. Awesome to hear! He seems to think the nausea I suffer is from the oxycodene I take (30mg each evening and only the mornings when I don't go to work) as it is morphine based and makes you drowsy. So he has tweaked my script for those, and it is probably starting to make a difference now. Not feeling nausea quite so often as I used to. It's really just a matter of finding ways that suit you to handle different situations. The last few weeks I have struggled terribly with making it to work, or once I get to work, actually staying there for the full six hours I am supposed to be there. The feelings of guilt were kicking in once again big time. Last week I was ready to hand in my resignation. Almost had myself completely convinced and was ready to talk to my supervisor about how I was feeling, until I walked in the door at work the next day and actually felt like a blimmin million bucks! And not in the least bit like chucking my job in any time soon. Or even remotely discussing it. That was Thursday, I don't work Fridays, so I spent my three day weekend looking for stories to watch or listen to, of inspiration. To try reminding myself just how lucky I am, compared to so many others. Time to stop this constant feeling sorry for myself / hating my life / dwelling on the effects from the cancer and meds etc. The fact of the matter is that I have stage four breast cancer - time to embrace my life instead of fighting it.
For the last two days, I have felt absolutely brilliant - getting through the working day quite easily, although it entails having a bit of a snooze in the evening for a couple of hours, getting back up for another couple of hours and then back to bed for the rest of the night. I found a woman on youtube who I felt was talking directly to me. I'd been searching a wee while for someone - I knew what I was after but wasn't quite sure how to go about finding it specifically. She kind of fell into my lap, and was so great, I can't bloody well remember her name!
Friday gone (12th July) it was our 11th wedding anniversary. I can still remember how much fun it all was, the prep the night before and the whole of our wedding day. It was simply, the best day ever. I loved every moment of it. Well most of it anyhow, apart from a bit of a glitch but just not worth going into an explanation. But anyhow, I bet last year if I posted around about our anniversary, I will have said much the same thing, remembering the fun we had prepping etc. It honestly was magical. But anyhow, we didn’t celebrate our anniversary in any way although hubby got our big girl to go out during the day and buy some long stemmed red roses - 11 of them! Plus a large box of roses choccies. How gorgeous is that! Funny ol’ bugger. He’s not the least bit romantic, but he has his moments. The fact that he wanted 11 roses, one for every year, I thought was just adorable!
And then today, four days later, it is his birthday. The big 58, although he looks nothing like it. Another two years and he’ll be celebrating his 60th! He’s gone off to darts tonight, so will have had a few drinks with the boys, which is good. Beats sitting here at home watching TV by himself while I sit up in the bedroom watching stuff on the ipad. After dropping her uncle off at the club, our baby girl did a run to Burger King for dinner. I am so sick of cooking...I thoroughly enjoyed my burger - yum yum yum!
So while there has probably been other stuff going on, I have no recollection of it. I hope I can get through tomorrow and Thursday with as much life and enthusiasm as I’ve had the last two days. Feels great. Might go suss this woman out before I go sleepy byes and have a wee listen to her. It really makes such a difference from when I am feeling tired, sore and my whole body feels heavy, to feeling how I used to for the first couple of years after diagnosis. Still no putting pressure on myself, take each day as it comes.
On that note, have a great rest of the week. Take care and please feel free to leave a comment or ask questions if you have any.
Oops, one more thing to note. The oncologist has decided to stretch my bone strengthening infusions out to every 12 weeks instead of every 28 days. The zoladronic acid can play havoc with your gums and jaw bones and since I have been on this stuff for three years solid now, he feels it is time to break it up. I thought yippee!!! No more having to leave the office to traipse up to the hospital until he then went on to say, he still wants me to go there for my injection, which I still need to take every 28 days. My injection which takes all of a minute to take...no I cannot go to our local hospital, or to my GP - both which are a hop, skip and a jump away from home, but have to continue going into town for a 1 minute injection, because he wants all the notes together in one file. Probably in another six months time, these will go to three monthly along with the infusion. I can’t wait!
So thats my postscript for the night. All the best xx
Tuesday 16th July 2019 - 10.45pm
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