March already

Where does the time go? Ten weeks of 2018 have gone already. While it feels like this time has gone really quickly, the whole year doesn’t feel like its going that quick, at the time. Not until you look back at it...and you think “where did that time go?” I don’t even know if that makes sense. I know what I’m saying, it doesn’t always make sense to anyone else.

Its Sunday evening...another week looming up. Its felt like a really productive weekend...sometimes I just don’t have it in me to do anything in the weekends. Its not even that. Sometimes I just simply don’t want to do anything. I don’t feel like being sociable yet for the last two Wednesday evenings, I have met up with a friend to spend time with them and catch up. Its almost like I have felt more sociable during the week...strange...at least it seems I have learnt my lesson - I am aware of my limitations and now only allw myself to go out one night a week. Otherwise the tiredness catches up on me something chronic.

These passed two days have been more social for me than I have been in what feels like a long time and I’ve enjoyed it. Caught up with a friend for lunch yesterday. We haven’t seen each other since before Christmas and so it felt great to catch up. We spent the whole afternoon together, and once I dropped her home, I was able to go home and enjoy having the place to myself. It was great! I don’t know what it is about being alone in the house but man do I relish it. And then today, my younger daughter and I volunteered for the SPCA annual street collection.

It was great, I really enjoyed it, engaging with people I don’t know and doing something to help animals in need. My baby girl and I are both sops when it comes to animals and some of the god awful stories you hear about how they are treated, I just want to hunt those people down and rip their throats out. But it felt really, really great to be doing something and it not relate to breast cancer.

I teally feel like I have turned a corner and cancer is no longer the focus of my life. Its still there and I am happy to talk about it if it comes up in conversation. But majority of the time, it doesn’t...I am just me...it feels so liberating and I feel free...bizzare eh...

We have a storm heading for us overnight / tomorrow morning...this evening the sky was a beautiful orangey colour. Not sure if thats an indicator to an impending storm or not but it sure was pretty to look at.

I had my usual zometa infusion last Monday - it all went according to plan apart from the usual dramatics of finding a vein. Some times are better than others - this one was a little challenging. Took about three goes before success reigned upon us...not just the nuisance of not finding a vein bit when she did, it bloody well hurt like crap when trying to put the needle in. A butterfly needle, which is the smallest one you can get! I try not to be a woose about it when you think about other crap you’ve experienced and its not their fault I have crappy, tired, scarred veins. The nurse did query the possibility of me getting a port put in but I will fight that for a little while yet. While they may not have success the first time round, so far, a vein has always been found. I’d like to wait until they really have issues finding one, and more than once - in a row.

Today I am reminded how lucky I am...while having been diagnosed stage 4 breast cancer, I am lucky to be doing so well and have the good health that I do. Others are not so lucky and so my love and thoughts go out to those and their loved ones 💜

Sunday 11th March 2018 - 10.35pm