Today is what would have been David’s 57th birthday. Hubby and I were talking about it this morning and I decided not to put a post up on facebook. Sometimes it just feels too personal to constantly share it with everyone. But this afternoon, the now youngest of the brothers put a happy birthday status up of him with a photo. Every time I went on facebook that status was always the first thing I would see and that photo...I can’t really describe the feelings it has brought out. The photo is almost like he could step out of it and the tee shirt he is wearing, he absolutely loved. I feel my heart is broken all over again and to be honest, the tears aren’t too far away. He has been visiting me a lot over lock down, and even before to be honest. Only the other night I dreamt of David and I remember so clearly going up to him and putting my arms around his waist, and I could feel him put his arms around me. It was so real...and when I woke up to find it wasn’t real, I felt such an ache. It has nothing to do with my feelings about my husband, it doesn’t mean that I love him any less...I simply miss David and so many memories are flooding back along with very vivid images of him in my mind. It makes me angry all over again that the girls and I have been ripped off. Not just us of course, but his mum, and his brothers especially. And so many others that were touched by him. While there were times where he was an arsehole, he was majorly a wonderfully, kind person and I loved him so, so much. We had such a volatile relationship at times but it started after his dad passed away. David was riddled with guilt, of which I won’t go into details, but I know. He loved kids, all kids and was so happy when we had our girls. He just simply adored them. I used to clean Countdown at night time and I would come home and our youngest baby would have gotten up after I left home and would be curled up in her daddys arms on the couch on my return. Little monkey...they both loved it! He used to take the girls out for a drive in the weekends and be gone for hours, having said he was just going down the road! Never asking if I might like to go for a drive too...I wonder where our lives would be now if he hadn’t died. And I wonder if I will get to be with him when I die. How I would love to see him again and to hear his irresistably hilarious laugh.
My poor David, taken far too soon. He will have been gone for 19 years this June. 19 years! How can that be possible!
Thank you for the photo lil brother-in-law...I have taken it from your facebook post.
David will always be my first true love. My heart still breaks for him, and I miss him terribly. Some times are worse than others.
Rest in peace my love. I hope you are keeping an eye on us all and please keep your girls safe. Give them signs that you are watching over them because I know they miss you dreadfully, no matter how young they were when you died. God life is so damn unfair.
Love you my Davey wavey...xx
Friday 15th May 2020 - 6.55pm
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