Officially summer!

The start of another summer is upon us, having started today. I’ve always been a summer person, right from a kid - loving the beach, going swimming whether it be at the pools or the ocean, frying myself with baby oil. Sunburn on top of sunburn! Crazy! I haven’t made the most of summer the last few years and I desperately want to change that this year. I am itching to go for a swim. Seeing videos on facebook of kids swimming, is tortuous. My girls and I are planning on going to the beach for Christmas Day again this year like we did two years ago. Hubby will go down to his mums to spend with her and his brothers. I did wonder whether I should go too but honestly my days of feeling obliged to do anything is pretty much over. I do things for myself now. While I can still drive, I will get myself there. Not too much goes on down at mother in laws. As she is not feeling well these days she stays inside watching TV and good on her I reckon. She also needs to do what is right for her. And the guys sit outside getting plastered, not really my idea of Christmas or fun. Hard to believe it‘s only a few weeks away! Where has this year gone? To be honest, it has felt quite a slow year but as you look back at time gone by, you have to wonder where did it go!

I have my next oncology appointment on Monday 16th December, followed by treatment. Its a mid morning appointment so am taking the whole day off work. With my late starts and early finishes, its not worth me going in before and after. Those days are gone too! I have a CT scan on Tuesday 10th December, perfect timing. Then I will get the results at my oncology appointment the following week. I try not to worry too much, pointless panicking until there is something to panic about. I mean you can’t help but wonder has the cancer moved? has it stayed put for another wee while? The day will one day arrive when I get the news that the cancer has shifted, and hopefully it will be a minute shift. Its when it transitions from my bones to my organs which worries me. I remember when I was told at one of my early on appointments that when it goes to your organs, it is a whole different story from it being in your bones and suddenly the outlook isn’t quite so rosy. Even as I think about it while I am typing this, I can feel the blood rush to my face and my heart starts to beat quicker and a wee lump forms in my throat. Its scary, it really is. And that is why I try not to think about it while it is un-necessary to. So fingers, eyes, arms and legs all crossed for another good outcome.

My sister arrives from Australia Tuesday night. It’ll be early Wednesday morning before she arrives here. I can’t wait to see her!!!! Every time I think about it, I want to squeal out loud like a kid, I can’t wait! She’s here for a week, I told her to make sure she goes out to see her mates as I am so boring and don’t do much these days.

I am taking the days off work, and so including the weekends and days I don’t work, I will have a break of 13 days off. That’ll be interesting. I wonder if I’ll be ripping my hair out with restlessness or will it be the other way, and I’ll be filled with dread at the thought of going back!

Its funny at work now. I am like a little minion. For years I was in charge of admin, people always coming to me when they needed something and I was in charge of the whole chicken caboodle. Now I’m not. People constantly by-pass me and go to my work buddy. I do the little jobs and leave the rest to her. It is bloody great! Such a relief off my shoulders and the timing was perfect! There is no way I could handle all that stuff now. I’m not sure if I said in a previous post, but I had said to the GM that I think he should just lay me off but he refuses to. Which is lovely of course but I do still get the guilts when I have to leave early or am away sick. Daft eh! Got a terminal disease and still I feel guilty. My lovely work partner is always nicely telling me off for it! She’s too blimmin cute and I am so grateful for her. Thank you my lovely, you know who you are xx

And so another weekend is over and a very quiet one its been too. I used my Sweet Louise vouchers and went for an oncology massage. I came out feeling on top of the world. As usual she found a few tight knots and was able to massage them out, so I’ve been a bit tender in a couple of spots but otherwise, its great. So anyhow, two more days at work before my big break away. I don’t really need to take too many leave days now since starting to drop my days at work. But its always handy, you never know when you may need them.

Sunday 1st December 2019 - 10.28pm