Sunday 13 January 2019

First post for 2019

Two weeks into the new year and this is my first post. I completely bypassed a Christmas post. Haven’t really felt like sharing too much, and in all honesty not too much to share! Life is ticking along as normal. I had two glorious weeks off work over the Christmas / New Year period and have been back to work for a week. While I was dreading going back, in reality it wasn’t that bad. I think our mental state can play a part in it too. I enjoy my job and for the most part, like the people I work with so that definitely helps.

I am loving the four day working week. Cannot believe how much of a difference having that one extra day off makes. I always thought I would far prefer having the Monday off instead of Friday, but since I process payroll on a Monday, it made sense for me to take Friday off. But in fact, it works perfectly! I tend to go out and do a few bits and pieces, which then frees me up in the weekend, and enables me to go do things I would have otherwise have been too tired to do. And there is something about doing those bits and pieces on a week day and not in the weekend. I don’t know - its working and thats all that really matters!

I steuggled terribly last year, and so I have decided I want 2019 to be a much better year, and I am really the only one who can make that change. You can’t rely on others to make you happy. Its not fair on them for a start off, especially if they don’t know that your relying on their friendship or how often they make contact with you. You (I mean me) have to learn to be happy with what you have, when you have it and remember it takes more than one person to make a relationship work. Time to stop being envious of others. I have cancer - nothing can change that, until I die...but I have to learn to deal with the changes having cancer has done to me. I struggle daily with the pain, and while I take pain meds regularly (gone back to both oxycodene & oxynorm plus paracetamol), the strength of the pain varies, and sometimes I have to take extra, or when I first wake up in the morning I am like an old lady dragging myself out of bed and teetering down to take my meds, wait for half an hour to kick in...and so those times I do get fed up. I’ve got an oncology appointment tomorrow (followed by treatment) so think I’ll have to talk to him about upping the oxynorm dosage. Just so long as it doesn’t make me drowsy like before, and not able to do my work.

I belong to a couple of ‘support groups’ on facebook but think I might need to delete them. They can be very depressing with people dying, or else some are so negative - its bad enugh trying to deal with my own shit, I don’t really need to deal with others. I don’t post anything on them, and I’ve tried not reading the posts but inevitably can’t help myself.

I’ve even been wondering whether to do a mindfulness course - its not really my thing - maybe I’ll just keep thinking on it for now.

I am flying down to Napier on Thursday morning for a couple of nights - to see some friends who recently moved down there. I am looking so forward to it. There is no way I could ever do the drive down there anymore, and I guess that is also something I need to be mindful of - my limitations. I decided to go down on a Thursday and fly home Saturday late afternoon because I am now aware that I usually need a day to rest to enable me to get thru a week of work, even if that week is only four days!  I’ve discovered that from going up to my cousins place up north. It takes 3.5 hours to drive and I am exhausted by the end of it. I find the last hour especially tiring, often wishing at the time, that I was already at my destination because I have had enough. And I definitely need a day at home to rest before going back to work. Its not usually feasible especially for a weekend, long or not. But we’ll see what happens.

I am still crocheting up a storm...even with summer here, have had a few orders. The amount of woolI have around the house is not lessening by any means. If anything, it’s growing! I simoly cannot help myself! I see colours and I have to try them...I’m still enjoying making them and keeping my crochet page up to date. If you’d like to check it out, go to facebook and check out “TaniaL Homemade Crochets”. I am happy to post around the country or overseas, although of course postage bumps the price up a bit more.

Hope you have enjoyed the ‘festive season’and that you spent it exactly how you wanted to, and I hope life is treating you well.

May 2019 be a good year for us all.


Sunday 13th January 2019 - 11.14am



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