I had the all clear from my CT scan weeks ago so why aren’t I happy and celebrating the great news and making the most of life?
Struggling terribly at the moment...in many ways. Still trying to suss pain meds out that don’t zonk me out for most of the time - not achieving much in the way of results so far. Drove home from up north on Sunday, feeling dangerously tired. Not realising until we were on the road. Scary shit...stopped a few times but only helped for a few mins or so. Managed to get home in one piece luckily but it was bloody terrifying.
A family member gave me a pep talk the other day when I mentioned I was feeling quite low...so easy for everyone else to give advice when your not wearing those shoes.
Doc has upped my happy pills but am still having various issues. No enthusiasm to do anything, lucky if I cook dinner, don’t want to go out, feel shut off from everyone, Christmas - ugh, the thought of Christmas shopping makes me want to run and hide.
Work - I’m probably away more than I’m there at the moment which definitely is not me. I am almost ready to quit but unable to afford to. Decisions need to be made...
Even too hard keeping up with this for now.
Crocheting keeping me going...although had a couple of days where I just couldn’t face it. Then you know something is definitely not right. Crochet mojo back...thats about it. Everything else gone.
Tuesday 20th November 2018 - 1.30pm
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