How can I express the love I have for you both. I don't think there are enough words in the dictionary to describe it. I have often said I was put on this earth to give birth to my beautiful girls. I lost my first two babies and as hard and heart breaking as it was at those times, it allowed me the privilege of giving birth to you and being 'your' mum.
Many things I have done wrong and gotten wrong, but my greatest achievements were having you two. My beautiful girls...beautiful on the outside but more importantly, beautiful on the inside.
Sitting down with you tonight to discuss 'stuff' was not a conversation I particularly wanted to have but I felt strongly enough that you deserved the respect of hearing from me and being given the chance to have your say. And I know it was hard on you emotionally but I want you to know you will be okay when I am gone. This is so unfair on you guys. As if losing your daddy at a young age wasn't hard enough but to now live day in and day out with the knowledge that this disease resides in my body for the remainder of my life, is crap. And while we know I could live for many, many years or that a bus could run me down at any moment, unless someone has been touched personally with something like this, they will never understand the fear we live with.
But I tell you both right now, I have no intention of going anywhere (besides Australia) soon. I will do what I can to keep myself healthy (including no more standing on chairs)!
You girls are my love, my life, my everything and I am so proud of the young women you have become. And I look forward to seeing you become mothers yourself one day and understanding the joy I have, of having your own children around and building wonderful relationships with them.
I love looking at you and knowing you are a part of your father. He lives on in you and would be so very proud. I can often hear him in my mind talking to you, or calling out to you in only the way he would. A very special man - who gave up his life to give us security.
On that note, it is time to end this love note but how fitting it is, that I decide to write this on Valentines Day. A declaration of love 'from mum to daughters'.
Love you body, heart and soul.
'Mum'
xxxx
Valentines Day - Tuesday 14th February 2017 - 10.31pm
No comments:
Post a Comment