After infusion 27-08-18

I found todays infusion quite depressing. I don't know why. The nurses were busy, they couldn't find a vein and after about 30 mins or so they finally found one near the knuckle of my index finger. Bloody sore putting the damn needle in. 

Think I felt a bit overwhelmed by how busy the nurses were and the realisation of how many of us have this stupid cancer. 

And then I find out that not many turned up at a birthday dinner on Sat night that I was spose to go to but was just so tired and feeling oomph-less. I feel like I was being made to feel guilty but I can't think like that. I have to put myself first. At least I text the person to say I wasn't coming and then again today to apologise (before being guilted). 

I openly admit I'm not too reliable right now...to attend anything. I just don't feel up to it...

But right at this moment am feeling quite flat. Just don't want to talk to anyone or listen to anyone. Perhaps an early night is called for.

Monday 27th August 2018 - 12.30pm