Goodness, its been ages since I last posted anything! First post for 2020 but yet it seems ridiculous to say happy new year since we are three and a half months into the year.
As I catch up now, we are dealing with the COVID19 / coronavirus and I’d be lying if I said I’m not freaked out by it. My worry is for my husband who has emphysema and apparently this virus likes to strike the lungs. I’m not so scared for myself getting it but I worry about how this is going to affect us all as a country. I remember as a kid watching a program called “Survivor” where there had been an epidemic which had killed off the majority of the world and this woman Abby was looking for her son. Are we going to end up like that? Are our supermarkets and hospitals going to end up devoid of things like food, water, medicines etc? Its damn damn scary. I have never scrubbed my hands so vigorously and find myself singing “happy birthday” (usually twice) either in my head or under my breath as I wash my hands. Early hours of the morning isn’t so great so the tempo speeds up slightly! But I’ll try to keep cool calm and collected, do what is needed and take each day as it comes.
Its been a fairly busy year. My babys 21st, family wedding and my latest oncology appointment which I found quite interesting.
The oncologist has said they will keep a closer eye on me, with having another CT scan between now and my next oncology appointment in June. They have apparently decided that at the first sight of any progression, they will put me straight onto Ibrance which is the drug that was recently fought for and is funded from 1st April. Women have been paying up to $6000.00 a month for it, so to get it funded would be amazing. Of course the hope is that there is no progression for years yet!
My baby turned 21 at the beginning of the month and she surprisingly decided she wanted to have a party. But just a small gathering with those closest to her. Fair enough! Her celebration. It was a really lovely chilled out evening. I probably didn’t get to bed until 3am and our last ones didn’t leave until close to 6am. Birthday girl had crashed out hours before... the next day as well as Monday, I could hardly walk! I was exhausted, so ended up being in bed all of Sunday recovering. My poor husband cleaned everything up all on his own (or mostly). He plodded along at his own space - what a blimmin star. So I learnt that my days of putting a social function on and sitting up all night are pretty much over. My back gets so sore, and it doesn’t take much at all.
And then this weekend, hubbys brother got married and it was beautiful! Apart from getting dressed for it, there was no prep for me required. All I had to do was turn up. But interestingly enough, after about four hours, I was exhausted, my back was aching and my feet were killing me. I was starting to get the shakes, which was mainly due to only having breakfast in the morning and nothing since. There were lots of speeches and items which was great to watch but I had to eventually race outside to get some fresh air as it was so hot. Hubby and some of the family were out there too. But I ended up having to go home quite soon after that. I didn’t even get to have a feed or get round to talk and catch up with whanau. Just very quick catch ups at the church before and directly after the ceremony. As soon as I got home, I lay on the bed and crashed out to sleep.
These two social events have been really interesting for me. The big ‘c’ continues to affect my life but this has been quite tough. Even interaction with others can take it out of me.
Because I didn’t have a chance to catch up with all the family, we have decided to have a few of them over for a bar-b at the end of the month which just happens to coincide with my birthday. I have asked everyone to bring a plate as I am unable to do it all myself these days which is something I have learnt just lately. But it was damn hard asking for help. Whenever we usually have people over, we do all the food. I've always been like that, but...’reality check’. Anyhow, I am looking forward to seeing everyone
Today has been a tough day. The cancer / meds is really giving my body a beating. I woke up early in a lot of back pain but couldn’t take my meds too early otherwise it screws up the rest of the day. I guess I could have but I only have a limited amount of tablets, they are so like gold. I didn’t want to go to work but I am sick of being away from work. But I ended up in tears in my bosses office, just tired and in lots of pain so I ended up coming home and crashing out. I’ve been quite sore all afternoon but actually now, this evening I am starting to feel quite human again. Such a relief. Damn pain is so debilitating - I keep saying it over and over but its so true.
But all in all, life is plodding along quite well. I am loving working three days. I don’t do a lot or go too far but thats okay. I had such a shitty crappy depressing year last year that I wanted to look at this year with fresh eyes and I even feel a lot better. Sore as I am and fed up with this flipping disease, I am trying to keep my spirits up.
I’ll leave it there for now. Keep well everyone and lets hope this corona virus dies out as soon as it started.
Tuesday 17th March 2020 - 8.00pm
