Its been a funny ol’ weekend. Been feeling a bit flat and not much motivation. Not that I have a lot any how, but definitely flatter than normal. I had been thinking I was not going to bother getting a new script of happy pills but think that might not be such a good idea just yet. No shame in still needing them. I’ve actually been really good, though pain has been up and down, but continue to play with my pain meds which helps tremendously but am feeling quite disgruntled with my girls. My big girl is still in Australia, not able to get a job so is looking at coming home soon, which is good. It feels like weeks could go by before we touch base with each other. Is that ok? I guess for some people, thats normal...but I’ve always felt like I had a close relatiinship with my girls. Now I wonder...I mean yes of course we do, but our definitions of ‘close’ differ I think. My younger girl is hardly ever home, maybe stays home 2 or 3 nights in a week and thats ok. I want them both to live their lives and do the stuff they want to do, but I can’t help but feel like I have become less of a priority than everyone else. They choose to go and spend all that time with friends...they choose to go out and have dinner with others...I guess they choose to come home but is it out of obligation? Its not like we have quality time together while they’re here. They ‘chat’ to everyone else on their phones. I know its natural progression that your kids grow up and leave the nest but it would be nice if some thought was put into me. What frustrates me is that when I eventually kick the bucket, I know they’ll cry and carry on and wish I was still alive, but it’ll be pointless - I’ll be dead - gone - forever. You need to make the most of someone while they are alive, not wish once they’re dead that you could have more time with them. So yep, I’m feeling a bit down and forgotten about, feeling sorry for myself - remembering how when the girls were little, everything I did, I did for them, which is what you do as a parent. You want to give your kids the best life you experiences you can. I was always taking them here there and everywhere, holidays, day trips, having their friends come and stay - my role has now become less important and I openly admit, I am struggling with it. I used to ring my mum every day, visit often once I had moved out of home - always had time for my mum. It was David who made me realise that my parents wouldn’t always be around and the devastation I felt when mum died, it was awful so remembering the time we spent together brings both a smile to my face and a feeling of sadness.
But its not all doom and gloom. I set up a facebook page to see if I could sell my blankets. Hubby hadn’t been able to work (due to weather) for a couple of months so the realisation of what I was spending on wool, to make blankets to give away to charities hit me with a bang. I totally enjoyed doing it but I was spending $60.00 to $70.00 a week at Spotlight on wool! I can’t continue doing that. I wasn’t quite sure how it would go, or even how much I should charge but so far to date, it has been bloody awesome! Admittedly a number of them have been family and friends but I don’t see that as a bad thing by any means. I’ve had a number of orders and as I reach the end of my orders, a couple more roll in. I am really, really enjoying it. I think I might need to up my prices - to begin with, it was purely to help with the cost of wool, but now I think it would be nice to actually make some money out of them. But nor do I want to charge a lot for them... maybe a slight increase. I’ve even had orders from a couple of ladies whom I don’t know. A friend had shared my page to a community page, very cool. So for the last three Saturdays, I have traipsed off the the mall to post blankets off to various places - South Auckland, Hastings, Wellington, Whangarei and even Australia! How very cool is that...Its such an amazing feeling and the funny thing is whenever its time to hand one over, I feel a bit sad and look at them and think how much I love that particular blanket and how pretty it looks. So I can definitely say these blankets are made with love. My page is called ‘TaniaL Homemade Crochets’. I would like to evolve and maybe do simple baby cardies, booties, and such like but so far don’t have the time to do. I’d love to evolve my crocheting too but with the ones I do, Ican do with my eyes closed. I can’t cope with complicated...my brain gets too addled.
A few samples of my ‘wares’ 🙂
The weather is starting to perk up...spring is definitely in the air. Can’t believe we are in the middle of September already. This time last year we were organising my big girls 21st. Time goes so fast but I don’t want it to go too fast.
Sunday 16th September 2018 - 9.03am
